


Don't You Let It Go

by tcw



Series: King of Nothing At All [2]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Christmas Fluff, Christmassy if you squint, Consent, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, May ships Zalex, Smut, literally just shameless fluff, this fic was just really self indulgent, we love Zach Dempsey here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 11:12:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tcw/pseuds/tcw
Summary: Here were the many ways that Alex had viewed Zach over the last two years:At first, as a shallow jock. One who enabled his friends and who may not have actively tortured people, but who certainly didn’t do anything to stop it.Then as a brother-in-arms, shoved together by the circumstances of being mentioned on Hannah’s tapes.Then, Alex was pretty sure he was using him as his personal penance. Why else would he have spent every afternoon with Alex, helping him with physical therapy? Alex had resented him and adored him in turn.Finally, he became home to Alex. The first person who didn’t treat him like he was cracked porcelain. Alex loved him for it.





	Don't You Let It Go

Here were the many ways that Alex had viewed Zach over the last two years:

At first, as a shallow jock. One who enabled his friends and who may not have _actively_ tortured people, but who certainly didn’t do anything to stop it.

Then as a brother-in-arms, shoved together by the circumstances of being mentioned on Hannah’s tapes.

Then, Alex was pretty sure he was using him as his personal penance. Why else would he have spent every afternoon with Alex, helping him with physical therapy? Alex had resented him and adored him in turn. 

Finally, he became home to Alex. The first person who didn’t treat him like he was cracked porcelain. Alex loved him for it. He filed down Alex’s sharp edges, forced him to discuss his vulnerabilities, and for months was the only person who could make Alex laugh, make him temporarily forget his anger. After months of dating, Alex finally felt like bitterness was no longer his natural state.

It was the final day at school before Christmas break. The day was filled with half-assed classes and copious amounts of food, the teachers hardly bothering to feign that they were trying to make the day educational. He spent his final period of the day watching _The Great Gatsby_ in his English class (the one with Leonardo DiCaprio, a pleasant bonus) and exchanging texts with Zach and Jessica, who were sitting with him in the back of the room. Occasionally, Zach brushed their hands together between the desks, a rare foray into PDA during class. Normally, Zach treated him indifferently during class, but clung to him in the hallways, doing a complete 180 as soon as the bell rang.

With a single vibration, Alex was notified of a new text from Zach. _Do you feel like Gatsby is kinda… gay?_

Then from Jessica: _Mmm. I was just gonna say that about Nick._

Zach again: _Well, obviously they’re gay for each other. Keep up, Jessica._

Alex responded: _Don’t be silly. They obviously have a completely platonic friendship where they follow each other around the city and share meaningful gazes._

Zach: _Just like our completely platonic friendship?_

Alex: _Precisely._

Zach: _I think that makes Jessica Daisy_.

Jessica: _If that means that I’m the beautiful, unattainable one, then I think you nailed it._

The bell rang, and Zach scooped up all of Alex’s books along with his own. There was a time when Alex would have chewed him out for that and demanded Zach allow him to manage things on his own, but since then, Alex had accepted that this was just how Zach _was_. Small, caring gestures came second nature to him.

As they exited the classroom, Zach flung his arm around Alex’s shoulders. A couple of months ago, Alex had foregone the cane after making progress on his physical therapy, but he still walked with a limp and kept the cane in the trunk of Zach’s car unless he got too tired. It hadn’t been used for weeks, though, to Alex’s quiet delight.

They stopped at Alex’s locker first. Zach was trying to steer them through their routine, and he probably thought he was being subtle about it, but he was tapping his foot impatiently as Alex entered his combination. His hand traveled from Alex’s shoulder to his side to his waist, squeezing gently. Zach got antsy when he was feeling impatient, and that sometimes equated to him being handsy. Alex didn’t mind.

It was Zach’s eighteenth birthday, and Zach tugged him excitedly out of the door and into his car. That morning, Alex had surprised him with a bouquet. (“ _Everyone_ likes bouquets,” Zach had told him once when Alex questioned if they were too girly. Alex had filed away the information.) That evening, they were going to celebrate with Zach’s family. Sometimes when they got into Zach’s car at the end of the day, they traded slow kisses over the center console, but not today. Zach grasped Alex’s hand once again, pressing a quick kiss to the back of it before putting the car in reverse and whipping out of the school’s parking lot.

“In a little bit of a hurry, are we?” Alex joked. “I think you almost dislocated my shoulder on the way out of the school. Do you have ulterior motives? Are you trying to rope me into more physical therapy?”

Zach chuckled and sent him a sheepish smile. “You are such, such, _such_ a good boyfriend.” He squeezed his hand to emphasize the last word.

Alex nodded. “Keep the compliments coming.”

Zach grinned his silly, open grin, cocking his head as he kept his eyes on the road ahead. “I love it when you come to hang out with my family. It’s like all of my favorite people in one place.”

Alex almost envied Zach’s easy openness. He threw his affection around like a petal-happy flower girl. “I don’t mind. Actually, I _more_ than don’t mind. I think May might like me even more than you do, and I’d kill a man to get to have more of your mom’s cooking.”

“I’ll let my mom know that murder isn’t off the table for you if it means you get to have more of her Kung Pao chicken.”

Alex pointed a finger at his boyfriend. “Don’t make light of this. Karen Dempsey is a national treasure. I have to stay in her good graces.”

They swung into Zach’s driveway then, and Zach jogged around the car to hold open Alex’s door for him. “What a gentleman,” Alex grumbled, exiting the car on his own.

“Not a gentleman,” Zach replied, crowding him against the side of the car. They were semi-hidden by his mom’s Subaru. “Earlier you said something about ulterior motives…” Zach pressed one of his legs between Alex’s. “I do have a couple of those.”

Alex laughed, allowing Zach to pull him into a kiss that was probably a bit too steamy to take place in front of his family’s home. Alex broke away first, Zach chasing his lips. “It’s my birthday, though,” Zach groaned.

Alex pressed a single, sharp kiss against Zach’s mouth, then wriggled out from under him. “Sorry, babe, but the only ulterior motive that I’ve got right now is checking up on what your mom is cooking.” Seeing that Zach looked the slightest bit hurt, Alex added in a dramatic whisper, “Plus, we have all night together.” Alex reached out for his hand and pulled him in through the front door.

“Zalex!” May cried as they entered. “Get your butts in here! I’m sick of kneading dough!”

Zach deposited his school bag next to the front door, all the while keeping his hand linked with Alex’s, and entered the kitchen.

“Zalex?” Alex heard his mother ask May.

“Yeah, it’s their ship name,” she said matter-of-factly. “Like, when you combine a couple’s names because you support them. It’s like Romione…” May chattered happily, giving Zach a pointed look at the dough as she began to wash her hands. Alex was sure that he was so red he looked feverish. May was shameless when she spoke about their relationship, but he knew she meant well.

Zach rolled up the sleeves of his button-down as far as they would go and headed to the sink, washing his hands as May made her escape into the connected dining room. There was a bar separating it from the kitchen, and May placed her laptop on top of it, putting one headphone in her ear and leaving one out, presumably so that she could listen in on whatever conversation they had as they worked on dinner. Alex had a suspicion that she was watching Youtube videos, but he had to commend her for her innate ability to get out of work. It’s probably what he would have done, too.

“Zach, you can split the rest of that dough and have Alex help you,” his mother said, gesturing with a wooden spoon. “We need plenty. I’m making sweet rolls and pork rolls.”

“You heard her, Alex. She’s making you help, too.” Alex washed his hands, doing a bit of a dance to pass by Zach, who briefly placed his hands around his waist. “We put people to _work_ in this household… except for May. She doesn’t do much,” Zach teased.

“Hush, Zach,” his mother said, not without affection. May pulled a face from behind her laptop, baring her teeth at him.

Zach’s mother, who insisted that Alex call her Karen, asked after Alex’s family, and Alex fielded the questions. _Yes, my parents are well. Yeah, they’re really excited to travel to Vegas this week. Oh, don’t worry, they’ll be home by Christmas Eve._  

“Good,” Karen had responded. “It wouldn’t do for you to be alone on Christmas. Of course,” she paused, considering her next statement, “you’d be welcome here that day regardless. You’re always welcome here, Alex." 

Alex felt his chest warm at the statement, but next to him, Zach’s face was ecstatic. He elbowed him, jostling the dough. “Sooo, you wanna come over for a little while on Christmas Eve? The food is just as good on that day, I promise.” 

Alex would probably walk across a tightrope in a leotard if Zach asked him to with the same hopeful, open expression that he had on at that moment. “Yeah,” Alex agreed without even thinking. “If you want me to, of course I will.”

Zach smiled his biggest, multi-watt smile.

They continued to help around the kitchen. Once they had set aside the dough to rest, Zach started to work on the fillings, and Alex settled in next to May, who _was_ watching Youtube. Shamelessly, might he add.

With May’s eyes glued to the computer screen, ignoring everything around her, Alex watched Zach move around the kitchen with ease. As he mixed the sweet filling, Alex appreciated his forearms. He had _good_ forearms. Was appreciating your boyfriend’s forearms a normal thing to do?

“You’re checking out my brother,” May muttered under her breath next to him, too quietly for Zach or their mom to hear. Alex felt himself redden, and May went back to her video, chuckling to herself.

“He has good forearms,” Alex whispered back, knowing that he was only digging a deeper hole for himself.

“Weirdo. You have a thing for forearms?”

 _No, just a thing for his_ , Alex thought to himself. He would never, _never_ say that statement aloud. Especially not to Mae. Instead, he just groaned, softly, defeatedly, as Mae laughed silently at him.

He had been surprised at how quickly May had taken to him. It was an entirely different experience than what Alex had ever had with his own brother; they had never disliked each other; they had just been largely apathetic. Peter had lived his own life, and Alex had lived his. Alex could see the similarities between Zach and May. She doled out affection with no limits, and that tended to mean teasing Alex just as much as she teased Zach. And Alex loved it, loved her, loved Zach’s family, and loved Zach for bringing him into it.

As he had that thought, he could feel his own heartbeat speed up. Any time he thought about the L-word, he felt an inexplicable pressure. Zach had been practically obsessive about making sure the relationship didn’t move too quickly, and as the months went on, it had become clear to Alex that Zach didn’t want to be the one to say it first. It made sense; Zach had initiated the relationship. Alex was the one who always came off as the reserved one—probably because he was the reserved one. From all of this, Alex had deduced that Zach was waiting for him to make the leap first. And all of that was fine, except Alex was _terrible_ at that sort of thing. Zach was the one who had an easy way with people, who never made anything seem weird or overbearing. Alex didn’t trust himself to handle such a delicate thing. Such a massive, delicate thing. One that would make a huge difference to the person he cared about most.

“You want to help me set the table?” Zach had come around to stand next to him, placing a hand on his back and rubbing tiny circles into it. While Alex had been thinking, Zach had filled the buns and dropped them in the steamer. His mother looked nearly done with the Kung Pao chicken, and excellent smells were beginning to fill the kitchen. At the mention of setting the table, May slipped away again, mentioning something about cleaning her room before dinner. Zach sent a suspicious look her way but said nothing.

When they all settled in for dinner, Zach told engaging stories about their basketball team’s near defeat last week. He made the tale sound epic, like the team had just barely clawed their way to a victory. Alex had _been_ to that game, sitting with Clay and Jessica while appreciating Zach sweaty and sprinting from one side of the court to the other, and in the moment, he had hardly thought it that exciting. Sometimes this was Zach’s way, though. He was larger than life, perfect and a little overwhelming, almost like the sun. Most of the time, Alex was content to just remain in his orbit, soaking in all of his enthusiasm.

After dinner, they cleaned up the table, even recruiting help from May in a moment of her goodwill. She reminded her brother that if he didn’t remember to make it to her holiday orchestra concert the next day, she would return all of his Christmas presents, and Zach affirmed that he would make it.

Moments later, Zach mentioned that he needed to go upstairs to pack a bag, and his mother glanced up at Alex. “That reminds me. Are your parents okay with Zach spending the week with you? We wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. Actually, I think they’re happy that I won’t be alone.” The statement was loaded, and Alex knew it. But it was true, and at this point, his suicide attempt was something that had happened, something that people knew about. He would have to allude to it now and then. If he’d learned to live with it, then everyone else could, too.

Karen nodded, shooing them off. As soon as they were out of her line of sight, Zach tugged Alex around to face him. They had stopped at the base of the stairs, and Alex was standing on the bottom one facing down at Zach, making them nearly the same height. In fact, making Alex about an inch taller.

“Hey,” Zach said, pulling him into a bear hug. “I care about you. Lots. You know that, right?” He swayed a bit, as if to comfort Alex.

Alex extracted himself a bit from the hug, kissing Zach’s ear, then his cheek, then his mouth. “I know, I know,” he said to appease him. “I know you don’t like it when I say that stuff. I’m sorry. I was just true.”

Zach nodded somberly.

“Plus, sometimes throwing a little bit of a pity party makes it easier to convince parents to let your boyfriend spend the night in an empty house.”

“You are _not_ using that to get your way,” Zach hissed.

Actually, Alex sort of was. Not everybody could be an angel like Zach. “Of course not. Just… looking at things holistically.”

“You’re a menace,” Zach said. “But at least I can get on board with your endgame here.”

 

 

 

As they walked into Alex’s empty house, they were having an animated conversation about the pros and cons of having a birthday near Christmas. Apparently, Zach had never minded it, happy-go-lucky guy that he was, but Alex was skeptical that Zach amassed the same amount of presents that someone who had their birthday outside of December would get.

“It’s just that people only get inspired to get a really good present every so often. So even though you might get the same _number_ of gifts, they’re probably not as good, you know?”

“You’re so cynical,” Zach complained. 

“Next you’re going to say something about how Christmas isn’t really even about the presents. It’s about the _holiday spirit_ or some shit.” 

“But it is!” Zach cried, emphasizing his words with an exaggerated hand gesture. “I just like Christmas for all of the food and the lazy days and the pretty lights and hanging out with my family.” He caught Alex around the waist. “And this year hanging out with you, too.”

They made their way to the living room, collapsing on the couch in a tangle of limbs. Alex intentionally turned on a movie that they had already seen, _Justice League_ , so that they could largely ignore it. It turned out that that wasn’t the case, probably because they were both tired. Instead of engaging in any other activities, they just laid across each other, Alex caught up in Zach’s arms, and watched the movie through again. Alex had a suspicion that it also had something to do with the fact that they both had a deep appreciation for Jason Momoa’s looks. 

As the end credits rolled, Zach bit at Alex’s ear. “I’m hungry,” he said in a throaty voice. “Are you hungry, too?”

“You’re never not hungry,” Alex replied, pressing into his touch. “But yeah, I could eat.”

“Can we bake something?”

“It’s like ten at night,” Alex said flatly.

“It’s like ten at night _on my birthday_ ,” Zach replied.

That was all it took to convince Alex to hunt through his family’s cabinets. He found a cake mix, a cupcake tin, and all of the ingredients that they would need to add to the box mix. There was even some vanilla frosting and food coloring. “So you can have birthday cake, sort of,” Alex said as he extracted the eggs from the fridge. Zach was lucky that Alex’s mom kept a pretty well-stocked kitchen.

As Alex assembled the ingredients, questioning how he had gotten roped into baking _for_ Zach, Zach played with Alex’s phone, which was connected to the speaker system in the living room. Alex was expecting him to turn on Drake or Rihanna, Zach’s two go-tos, but instead, Zach asked, “Do you like Taylor Swift?”

Alex locked eyes with him. “Do I _like_ Taylor Swift? I would die for Taylor Swift.”

Zach’s face lit up. “Really? I would never have thought. You’re, well, you’re a little, um, pretentious when it comes to music…”

Alex glared at him. “I have excellent taste in music. And that statement is _not_ mutually exclusive with my love for Taylor Swift.”

“What do you think her best album is?”

Spooning cake mix into cupcake wrappers, Alex answered immediately. “That’s easy. _Red_.”

Zach clutched at his chest dramatically. “Alex, _no_.” With a flourish, he selected a song from Alex’s phone. It was Mine. “ _This_ is Taylor Swift’s best album.”

Alex looked at him skeptically. “I’m questioning you really hard right now.” He continued working, debating over the merits of _Red_ and _Speak Now_ with Zach. Alex insisted that an Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift collaboration had changed the game, but Zach responded that all of the greatest love songs were contained on _Speak Now._  

“You know,” Zach said seriously from behind him as Alex placed the cupcakes in the oven, “this debate is the sort of thing that ends relationships. We need to be on the same page when it comes to T. Swift.”

Alex swung his arms around Zack’s shoulders. “If it weren’t your birthday, I would tell you that your opinions on our girl Taylor Swift are _garbage_. But it is your birthday, so I won’t.” He smiled sweetly.

Zach planted a kiss on Alex’s forehead as they swayed back and forth. “You remember when I taught you how to dance?” he asked. Alex could tell that he was up to something, but he went along with it. 

“Huh,” Alex looked up at the ceiling, feigning confusing and shaking his head. “No, no, I don’t. Must not have had a very big impact on me.”

Zach laughed, skipping tracks until he got to the one that he was searching for. Enchanted. “Maybe you need a refresher.” 

Dancing with Zach tonight was different than it had been eight months ago, even though that time felt so close and so familiar to Alex. It had only just taken place one floor above them. Zach had held him at arm’s length then, but now he cradled Alex close, both of his arms around Alex’s waist. Alex could feel his breath tickling his hair. Suddenly, when the chorus came around, Zach began to dance more frantically, swinging Alex along with him and tickling his sides.

Alex shrieked a very unaffected, manly shriek, burying his head in the crook of Zach’s shoulder as he swung him around so quickly that his feet left the floor. Alex was cackling, Zach shushing him and insisting that he needed to teach him how to dance so that Alex could be graceful as a swan. “ _Feel_ the music!” he was chanting. “Alexander, do you _feel_ it?” Alex thought that Zach was aiming for a French accent, but it was so bad that he wasn’t a hundred percent sure.

Eventually, Zach placed him on the counter, sitting with his legs wrapped around Zach’s torso. Alex’s face was tomato red from gasping with laughter. He ran his hands through Zach’s hair as Zack chuckled, catching his breath.

“I love you so much.” The words escaped from Alex’s mouth before he even had the chance to consider them fully.

Zach paused, his face going nearly blank for a split second. Then he gazed at Alex with so much hope and adoration and openness and _happiness_ that Alex leaned over and buried his face against Zach’s neck. He was overwhelmed by the sheer amount that his five words had affected Zach. Like the Grinch, he thought his heart was growing from two sizes too small. He could feel his chest expanding as he tried to comprehend the wave of emotion going through him. 

“Alex.” Zach whispered his name reverently, like a prayer. “I love you, too. So much. I’ve wanted to say that to you for _months_.”

“Oh,” Alex said, his voice small. He didn’t know how to comprehend this small shift in his universe. Zach was the one who was vulnerable and good with his words. Alex, on the other hand, was so guarded that it was like his subconscious had to open up about his true feelings before his thoughts could catch up.

“Alex?” Zach nudged him ever-so-gently, and Alex rose. Zach slid him even closer from his perch on the counter so that Zach was the one supporting most of his weight. “You’re my whole world,” Zach whispered as Alex settled closer to him, their noses and foreheads practically touching “and I’ve loved you for ages.”

Alex thought back to the moments shared between them, from the embarrassing ones to the serious ones to the sweet ones. He had thought about all of the different Zachs that he had known over the years, and he decided that the absolute best one was the one here with him right now.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Zach nudged gently.

“I think I’m really fucking terrible at this,” Alex said, exhaling and letting out a breathy laugh. “I’m sorry. But I do. Love you, I mean.”

“ _Negative self-talk_ ,” said Zach, emphasizing each syllable. He squeezed Alex, then helped him off the table, diffusing the heady situation.

Alex turned toward the frosting, about to abandon the conversation, but then turned again, mustering his courage. “You know, it’s going to take a really long time for these cupcakes to cool off enough so that we can frost them.”

“Yeah?”

“And everybody knows that cupcakes are just shitty if they aren’t frosted. Like bland muffins.”

“Yeeeah?” Zach stretched the word, grinning and beginning to crowd Alex again.

“So we could find something else to do for a while?”

“ _Hell_ yeah.” The oven timer beeped, punctuating Zach’s excitement, and in his haste to remove the cupcakes, Zach almost burned his hand.

Rolling his eyes, Alex placed an oven mitt on it for him. “Oh my God,” Alex muttered.

Zach just laughed, herding Alex toward the stairs as soon as the cupcakes were safely on top of the stove. Discreetly, Alex double-checked that they had remembered to turn off the oven. He would _not_ be caught burning down his family’s home while in bed with his boyfriend.

“Hurry up,” Zach urged him.

“Jesus, Zach, I only just stopped using a cane.” Although his words were accusatory, Alex was joking, pushing away Zach’s hand when he offered help. Zach was practically vibrating, his energy filling the house. 

When Alex reached the top of the stairs, Zach pulled him into a kiss, their hands clasped together between them. “This is just like physical therapy,” Zach argued. “I need to push you. It’s just…”

“…more hands on?” Alex suggested, raising his eyebrows.

Zach was laughing as he pulled them both into Alex’s bed. He sat back against the headboard, helping Alex into his lap, the position they were in the night that they shared their first kiss. Alex leaned over him, Zach’s breath tickling his lips as he settled himself just a bit too far above him to trade kisses. Instead, Alex just appreciated Zach looking up at him like he had hung the moon in the sky, like he was something to marvel at. Zach made him believe that he was hot, desirable. That belief was like a drug, and Alex couldn’t get enough.

Slowly, Alex leaned down and pressed a kiss against Zach’s mouth. Zach raked his nails through Alex’s hair, a pleasant, scratchy feeling, and deepened the kiss. Alex slid his hands down Zach’s torso, tugging at the base of his shirt and beginning to pull it up his body. Zach helped him along, breaking the kiss for the briefest moment to allow Alex to pull off the shirt fully. His hand’s against Zach’s chest, Alex moaned appreciatively. If Alex had a weird thing for his forearms, then he was fully crazy for Zach’s torso. It was corded with lean muscle from an overabundance of gym sessions, and Alex traced the lines with his fingertips. He felt Zach shiver beneath him and felt a small thrill of accomplishment.

Zach tugged at Alex’s shirt as well, and Alex obligingly allowed him to pull it up and over his head. “Tell me what you want,” Alex whispered, settling back into his lap and brushing Zach’s hair away from his forehead.

Zach’s breathing was heavy, and his hands were traveling up and down Alex’s spine, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “I… I sort of just want… to have you in my mouth?” he finished looking up at Alex.

Alex looked back down skeptically. “You’ve reminded me like a dozen times today that it’s your birthday, and you want to suck _me_ off?”

“More than anything,” Zach confirmed, flipping them abruptly, but gently enough that Alex was comfortable. He loved Zach like this, loved his quiet confidence, the way that it imbued Alex, too, and made him feel like this was where he belonged.

Zach rolled his hips against Alex, eliciting a moan. “You’re so beautiful,” Zach murmured in his ear, biting at it between words. “So hot. My God, I’m so lucky.”

He moved down to Zach’s jaw, continuing his biting and sucking and licking and teasing. Then he was on Alex’s neck, and it almost felt like he was teasing him. “ _Harder_ ,” Alex gasped.

Zach understood what he meant, and Alex could feel a low growl from his chest against him. The biting continued with more urgency, more sharpness, and Alex sighed. While he gave attention to Alex’s neck, Zach’s hands traveled down to the zipper on Alex’s pants and slowly began to unbutton them.

Just as Alex was truly beginning to feel absorbed in the moment, Zach stopped, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Fucking skinny jeans,” he muttered.

That struck Alex as the funniest thing Zach could have said, and he laughed, sitting up a bit and wriggling out of them to assist his boyfriend. Zach met his eyes with a grin and continued with renewed vigor, moving down to Alex’s nipples, then his abdomen, trailing kisses.

As he toyed with the waistband of Alex’s boxers, Alex groaned, looking up at the ceiling and gripping at his sheets. Any time he saw Zach like this, it was nearly overwhelming. When Zach looked debauched, he also looked so _thrilled_ to be there with Alex, and that was more of a turn-on than nearly anything else. Sometimes Alex questioned how he had even gotten here, how the last year had turned out the way it had. Back then, Zach Dempsey had been beautiful and unattainable and distant, but now he was kneeling between Alex’s legs. Sometimes he had to remind himself that this was real.

He came with Zach moaning around him, clearly garnering enjoyment himself from seeing Alex. Overwhelmed, Alex tugged his boyfriend up toward him, arranging him by his side and laying across his chest. “I love you,” Alex said, still a little out of breath. He braced himself on Zach’s chest and pushed himself up so that he could look into his eyes. “I love you so fucking much.” With that, he brushed his hands down Zach’s torso, and undid his pants.

“You don’t have to,” Zach insisted, but his chest was heaving in anticipation.

“But I want to,” Alex replied. He stroked Zach, reveling in his facial expressions and the sounds he was making. Zach was sort of loud in bed, and that was another of Alex’s turn-ons. He was going to have to start to keep a list, he thought, but then realized it would be futile. _Zach_ was just one enormous turn-on for him. Alex was so far gone for Zach, but he didn’t care a single bit. Everything about the two of them felt so right. Being with him felt like coming home.

Zach pulled at Alex’s shoulder so that he was leaning over him as he came. As he finished, Alex pressed kisses against his brow. “Love you,” he whispered again. It was like he had started saying it and found himself unable to stop.

Alex, always the first one to shake himself out of the afterglow, went to retrieve a washcloth to clean them up, and once he had, he threw it unceremoniously into the corner.

Zach caught Alex’s side as he began to lean back onto the bed. “Cupcakes?” he said hopefully, gazing up at Alex unabashedly.

Alex rolled his eyes but held out a hand. “Cupcakes,” he said in agreement, and they traipsed back down the stairs, loose and boneless.

Alex began the work of frosting while Zach began the work of eating. Once the first one was finished and out of Alex’s hand, it didn’t find its way to the plate, but into Zach’s mouth. After eating two, he began to “help” Alex, dipping his finger into the frosting and gently prodding Alex’s nose. “Boop,” he said under his breath.

Alex glared playfully and wielded his spreading knife. “Watch it, Dempsey.”

“Oh, you’re right, you’re right, let me get that for you,” Zach said, switching to a normal voice. He gripped Alex around the waist and pulled him close, licking the frosting from his face.

“You’re ridiculous,” Alex laughed, but Zach cut him off with a finger pressed to his mouth.

The finger had frosting on it, too. “Shh,” Zach whispered, smearing the frosting about a bit more. He removed, his hand, appreciated his handiwork, and leaned down, kissing that away, too.

 

 

 

Later that night, they were cuddled in bed together, Zach a solid weight against Alex’s back. This was certainly not the first time that he had fallen asleep with Zach there, but it would be the first time that he got to wake up with Zach there, too.

“Zach?”

“Mmm?” 

“Just so you know, I like to be woken up with kisses and coffee.”

“You’re demanding,” Zach kissed the top of his spine, “but I love you anyway.”

There was a soft silence. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I make one final birthday request?”

“Sure.”

“The talk we had earlier… it was just sort of short.”

“Yeah?” Alex turned to face him, his head pressed against Zach’s chest.

“I just sort of wanted to…”

“Talk more about touchy-feely stuff?”

“You know I really love the touchy-feely stuff. Why did you say that to me today?”

Alex twined the fingers of their hands together. “You want me to explain why I love you?”

“I mean… you could try.” With anybody else, Alex would have thought they were fishing for compliments. Zach said it so earnestly, though, that Alex did his best to answer honestly.

“I love that, well, you’re sort of a puppy.”

“A puppy?” Zach repeated indignantly.

“Hush, you asked for this. And I’m not done. You’re like a puppy but in the best way possible. People love you, and they gravitate toward you, and you’re just so happy all the _time_. And I think that’s what I really need.

“But more importantly, you aren’t like that _all_ the time. In fact, you’re a little scary when you’re angry. You have this Captain America vibe to you, and it’s really hot, but mostly I would just recommend people stay the fuck out of your way. You remember the thing with Ryan?”

“Yeah,” Zach said softly.

“That was the most amazing, brave thing that I’ve ever seen. I know that at one point, you said you were a coward, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

Alex was referencing a particular moment that had happened a few months ago, toward the start of the school year. Zach had been with Alex at his locker before school when a crowd of baseball guys strode through the hallway. One of them pushed Ryan aside, muttering “fag” as he went by. The word was just a throwaway, almost meaningless to them. Alex had heard it and his shoulders had tightened, but it was Zach who had pushed off of the locker he was leaning against, fuming.

“Hey!” he had shouted, loud enough that people looked over and took notice. He walked over to where they were standing, the one who had uttered the slur there with his locker open. Zack slammed it shut, gaining his full attention. “I don’t want to _fucking_ hear that again. Got it?”

Monty had pushed his way to the front then, shoving Zach lightly with two hands, more of a threat than anything.

“Back the hell off, Dempsey.”

“Don’t, Monty,” Zach had growled. At this point, Alex’s mind had been racing. Was he going to have to get into another fight with only his cane as a weapon? For Zach, he’d do it. Again.

Monty was squaring up. He softly said, “But what’ll you do about it, Dempsey?”

Zach’s face grew grave. “You don’t want to do this.”

“I don’t?"

Zach had murmured something to Monty then, just soft enough that Alex couldn’t hear it.

“You wouldn’t,” Monty had responded.

“Try me.”

With that, Monty had exited, visibly pissed, but leaving with no sort of altercation. Zach had stalked back to Alex, offering Ryan a distracted pat on the back as he passed him. He offered Zach a tight smile and swiftly disappeared out to the parking lot. Alex had followed him and hopped in his car as well; they had spent the next few periods driving aimlessly around town and not really talking, but occasionally singing along to songs. Alex had cranked up the radio, of the belief that that was what Zach really needed in that moment.

“I still don’t know exactly what you said to Monty that day,” Alex said, nuzzling Zach’s chest with his cheek.

“I threatened to blow things up for the baseball team,” Zach rasped. “Some stuff has come out, but not all of it. And Monty knows that I still know things. He said I wouldn’t because he thought that it would implicate me, too, but the thing is, I don’t really care. I’d air his secrets in a heartbeat.”

“See? You _are_ brave.” Alex said. “And I love you for that.” Zach’s expression had grown darker when Alex brought up the incident with Monty, so he switched gears.

“Another reason I love you is that you were the first person to treat me like I wasn’t fragile. You acted like I could do things. Granted, at first, I thought you were only helping me because I thought you pitied me. At that point, I sort of thought you were a douche. Sorry.”

Zach just gripped him more tightly, saying nothing.

“Then I realized that you actually cared about me. _Then_ I realized that I was really fucking attracted to you, and I thought that I had fallen for a straight guy.”

Zach huffed a laugh.

“Anyway, you always respected the fact that I wanted to do shit for myself, but you were still willing to help me. And you put up with a hell of a lot of my shit. And then once we got together, you didn’t just treat me like I was capable, you treated me like I was _desirable_.”

“You act like I was doing this noble thing, but I wasn’t. I just thought you were really hot.” Zach chuckled. “And believe it or not, I still do.”

 

 

 

The next morning, Zach remembered the reminder that Alex had given him last night. He was humming Taylor Swift songs as he turned on the coffeemaker, and he filled Alex’s mug with coffee and a couple of spoonfuls of creamer, the way he knew he liked it when it was prepared at home. Zach took his coffee black.

Setting the cups down on the nightstand, he smoothed Alex’s hair from his face. In his sleep, he looked so much younger, so much more vulnerable. He kissed his forehead and then his nose, and, feeling Alex stir, finally his mouth. He felt Alex cup the back of his head, deepening the kiss. This was shaping up to be Zach’s favorite morning of all time.

“I brought you coffee,” he said, placing the mug in Alex’s hand. He pitched his voice the smallest bit higher. “ _Wow, Zach, you brought me coffee? You’re so cute and perfect. You’re the best boyfriend ever. I love you sooo much_.”

“I do love you,” Alex said, propping himself up against a few pillows so that he could sit up, “but we also need to acknowledge the fact that you’re totally annoying.”

They spent a lazy morning together. Zach was reading some biography, and Alex was playing through Red Dead Redemption. They were curled up together in Alex’s bed, Zach’s head laid on Alex’s lap with his book lifted above his head. Eventually, Zach lifted himself from the bed and went out to get ready for May’s concert. 

When he returned, Alex had changed, too. He was wearing one of his large, chunky sweaters along with boxer briefs, and nothing else.

Zach groaned, collapsing on the bed by Alex’s side. “Why would you do this to me?” he asked, gripping his chest like he was a martyr.

Clearly, Alex hadn’t considered the fact that Zach would find the outfit so appealing. Alex blushed a bit. “I just… didn’t want to bother with pants?”

“You’re making me leave you here—”

“For like two hours.”

“—making me leave you here knowing that you are wearing that? You’re a cruel boyfriend.”

“I promise that I will still be here, exactly like this, when you come back. I’ll just be, like, two hours further into this game.”

Zach groaned. “But these concerts are torture. You made me want to go even _less_.”

“You promised May.”

Zach continued, ignoring Alex’s point. “Every year, the beginning orchestra plays like twenty variations of Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel. _Twenty variations_. And meanwhile, I’ll be sitting there imagining you like this. Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel may just turn me on for the rest of my life, and that’s messed up.”

Before finally agreeing to head out, he made Alex promise like ten times that he wouldn’t even move from the bed, that he would just stay there waiting for Zach’s return. When Alex heard the front door thud shut, instead of turning back to his video game immediately, he turned to his side on the bed, facing the spot where Zach had slept the night before, and allowed himself a small, contented smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I just felt like I could add some sweet boyfriend fluff to Alex and Zach's story, so that's exactly what I did. 
> 
> I made the executive decision to have Zach's family celebrate his birthday with Chinese dishes because I was pretty sure that his heritage was never addressed in the show, but both Ross Butler and the actor playing Karen Dempsey have Chinese backgrounds, so that's what I based that decision on. If you have any feedback about how I addressed his heritage, please message me! I'm certainly not well-versed in Chinese culture. The same always goes for how I address Alex's disability. 
> 
> Also, I totally took liberties in deciding when Zach's birthday is. I don't think that ever came up in the show either. 
> 
> PS all the Taylor Swift mentions are really self-indulgent because I've loved her forever. And for the record, I do think that her best album is Red. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you have a great holiday season!


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